“Basketball is my Girlfriend” is a Nike shirt that got a lot of attention when it initially came out. Why? Because the statement basically states that the person wearing it is dedicated and wants to spend their valuable time improving and playing the game, not with a significant other. I had a girlfriend in high school and during my junior year I would go to her house after school or practice to spend a few hours with her. It was puppy love and we lasted nine months. During that relationship I was spending time with her that wasn’t spent working out , recovering, or studying. I was in the midst of puberty and it was hard to think about much else than girls. I don’t regret the relationship, but it did take a considerable amount of time and bandwidth away from other pursuits.  

So many players reach out to me with the goal of playing at a prep school, and then in college. Some players even have the goal of playing professionally. With it being harder and harder to get onto a college roster, and with social media/phones taking up more bandwidth than ever before, one has to wonder where is the time for a significant other. There are only so many hours in the day, and ideally a teenager is getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Where does one have time for a romantic partner? Something has to give. Social media? Academics? Training? Recovery? 

Almost every year I have been doing prep school placement, I’ve had a family reach out to me wanting their child to go to prep school to get away from a girlfriend. One dad offered to pay for the girlfriend to go to prep school, just so his son could go. But this didn’t happen. According to the player, this girl was his soulmate and they were meant to be together. Did I mention he was a 6’7’’ wing with D1 interest? This kid used to love basketball and playing D1 was his dream. But once he started dating this girl, it all became secondary. Instead of going to prep school he followed her to her college and became a regular student. I don’t know if they are still together. I don’t fault the young man because each person needs to make their own decisions in life. One wonders if he will one day regret this.  

I had another player go to prep school and stop playing halfway through his post-grad year so he could move to New York City to be with his hometown girlfriend. His previous goal of playing college basketball evaporated when that happened.  

When I coached at Gonzaga College High School in Washington DC, it was my first experience at an all-boys school. I used to dismiss these places, but after a few weeks on staff it made sense. Our players were loose in a way that other teams I had coached were not. They acted like teenage boys would if no girls were around. No peacocking or showing off in front of the cheerleaders. I think this added more focus to their academics, friendships and ultimately basketball. Some still had girlfriends from other schools, but they just didn’t have the time to see them much.  

There are prep schools that are single sex as well. Some players balk at this suggestion, but I tell them that they are calling me about gaining all the benefits of a prep school. If the best fit for them happens to be a school that is all boys, then so be it. They have their who life ahead of them to spend looking for a partner. And most of these all boys prep schools have multiple social events with a nearby all-girls school. These are not prisons!

There are thousands of other stories of athletes who never reached their potential due to a high school crush. Feel free to fall in love, but keep the main thing the main thing. And know that there are tens of thousands of other high school players from around the world that are happy that you have a love interest. That is one less person in their way for them to reach their dreams of playing college basketball. Everyone has 24 hours in a day. How are you spending yours? 

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